Trials

This post comes after reading a blog entry of a friend of mine. I linked the title to her blog in case you want to read her excellent words.

My dh and I were married in Dec. of 1990. We both loved and hoped for children right away. I didn't want to wait because of my family history (both sides) of endometriosis and problems I was already having. Brent and I went quickly from hoping to feeling devastated as each month took us further and further from our dream. I experienced hopelessness, depression, anxiety, and feelings of "what have I done to deserve this fate?" Often, I would get down on my knees and ask my Heavenly Father for His help. He always answered my prayers with feelings of peace. At one point, I felt most despair when an unmarried cousin of mine got pregnant. Then, my sister was pregnant, a honeymoon baby. It hurt so much. My mom reassured me over and over that we would have a child, it would be okay. She introduced to me to a woman in the ward (we had recently moved back to my home ward) that had adopted two children. Anyway, this lady spoke with me about her experience with adoption. I already loved her little boy, he was in my Sunbeam class. Adoption was not a new concept for me. I had been having experiences since I was young that made me feel very open to the idea. Heavenly Father had prepared me well.

It didn't take much convincing to get my dh on board with this adoption idea. Adoption was not a piece of cake. New anxious feelings came about. Paperwork needed ot be done, classes to take, a social worker to interview and evaluate us. One of the most difficult things for me was an autobiographical questionairre. It seemed so unfair, how many couples or even singles had kids without one single question asked about their qualifications to raise a child? 9 months and 11 days passed from the time we handed in our initial paperwork to LDSFS and the time we were placed with our first beautiful child, a daughter. We adopted 3 more children after that.

Something very unexpected happened after all of that. I became pregnant. I had NO idea I was pregnant. It took several tests and a confirmation from the Dr. before I believed it. A beautiful girl came from that pregnancy and I'm now pregnant with another.

I write all of this because I get a lot of folks saying that dh and I had it the "easy way" through adoption. I have heard others say how the Lord blessed us with pregnancy because we were willing to adopt. Like my adopted children are some sort of charity cases and my bio kids are more special in some way. I can assure you that adoption is not an easy path. To watch a birthparents heart break so that mine can rejoice, to feel the pain of infertility, the anxiety of "will I be good enough for someone to choose me?" There are so many emotions. I also want to share that my adopted children are no less special or loved just because they didn't come from my body. I often feel an extra obligation to them because of the gift they are to me and the pain and sacrifice their birthparents felt to give them a life they didn't feel they could give. All children are a gift, it doesn't matter how they came about.

I wish to thank my Heavenly Father for the trial and blessing of adoption. I have learned more from infertility and adoption than anything else in my life. A new kind of compassion for others. The knowledge that my Father in Heaven knows ME, personally. Another knowledge that dh and I can get though anything together, we almost didn't.